While Matt and I were in Washington, one of our favorite experiences was a rooftop barbecue hosted by our guests. A number of their friends attended and it was a wonderful evening. There was great food, plenty of alcohol and stimulating conversation.
Eventually the talk turned to my teaching career. One of the DC gays asked if I ever wondered about which kids were gay, to which I gave a resounding "No" as an answer. It's always been my belief that my 7th graders are kids and I want them to still be "kids". I see these bright-eyed students come into my classroom each day and I just want them to enjoy the last bit of childhood before the dreaded "teenage" years. But this doesn't mean that I ignore the fact that I do have students that are discovering who they are; and this is when I take my role as an educator very seriously.
Thirty years ago, growing up gay in the South didn't provide me a lot of role models. The gay men that I saw in the media were ones that were commonly featured during stories about gay pride parades - the ones in thongs and leather. Come to think of it, those are the ones still featured today, but I digress. I never really saw anyone who was like me - a kid who liked sports, pop music (but didn't get the "dancing" part of the gene), loved tracking hurricanes and trivia. I kept thinking to myself that I couldn't be gay because the people that I saw on tv weren't like me. And I'll be honest, I didn't know any gay people in real life.
My first teaching job was in a rural school district. I was scared to death of losing my job for being gay (this I was never in danger of, but as a rookie teacher every little thing made me fearful of losing my job, ah paranoia...lol), so I kept my sexuality a secret. Over the years, me being gay was kind of the open secret among the kids. I knew they knew, but I never discussed it. I rationalized that I taught math and that, again, it was a rural school district. I didn't want to see one of our school board meetings on the news because the town folk were angry over the "homersexual" teacher (while they were holding pitchforks and torches).
Eventually gay marriage became legal in Iowa. Matt and I got married and just about our entire staff was able to make it to the wedding. In fact a couple of my students attended the ceremony. I was touched. So the following fall, when the kids asked what I did over the summer, I told them. I wasn't hiding who I was, but I also wasn't shouting it from the rooftops. Again, know your district. LOL
Moving to a larger district was an eye opening experience. Being in a university town, the kids are a little more "worldly" and the city more liberal. I felt more encouragement to share aspects of my life and my marriage with the students - things like "we went to see a movie" or "my husband I went out to dinner last night", etc. I realized that there more than likely I was going to be teaching students who were like me when I was a kid and that it was my opportunity to be that role model that I never had.
Last school year I was challenged by a student to put pictures of my family and friends behind my desk - "all the other teachers have em up, " she said. So I have photos of our wedding and other special events. I also have my favorite photo from our Hawaii trip on my desk. The students thought they are pretty cool.
I've taught hundreds of kids through the years and I'm hopeful that I've had a positive effect on those students who might be gay. I also hope that I've been able to change the minds of those students who might have had a negative view of gays. I really regret that I wasn't more open with who I was during the early years of my teaching career. I know that I've not only grown as a teacher in instructional ability, but also in the area of being someone that all my students can see a positive role model of a teacher who happens to be gay.
