I'm gay. I've known I was gay since I was in middle school. But for a long time I couldn't reconcile who I was with being gay, simply because I didn't relate to those things that in the media I saw as "being gay" - dancing, outlandish clothes and behavior, love of musical theater and drama and the feminine mannerisms. Now of course I know these are stereotypical and not at all representative of the community as a whole, but that's how I saw being gay.Me, I'm a sports-loving, blue jeans / sweatshirts, hang around the house and watch tv kinda guy. What makes me gay is that I find men attractive, nothing more, nothing less. It gets under my skin when I'm made to feel less than gay because of my interests. Being gay is part of who I am, but it doesn't define who I am. I've been told by a number of people recently that if they didn't know I was gay that they wouldn't have been able to tell. It's not something that I try to do, "to pass" so to speak, it's just who I am.
Am I completely comfortable around anyone who is gay? No. There are certain affectations that I'm just not comfortable with and that's just me. What I don't do is make them feel any less a member of the gay community. We're all one big family and we should treat each other with respect and not judge based on looks, interests, etc.
I think we're on the same wavelength here, Robert! Back when I figured it out, about 6th or 7th grade was when I put words to feelings I'd had since puberty hit about 11 years old, and I was terrified of being "like that" because all the stereotypes you mention were exactly what I thought being gay was all about.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a long time to go to a Pride event (last year to be exact, and now it will be a regular event for me), because I didn't want to be associated with all the underwear-clad men, the outlandish drag queens, and all the ridiculous behavior I saw happening in public. I couldn't figure out how gays expected to be taken as "regular people" when they acted like they did in public! I can handle some camp, etc., but let's keep it in its place. I don't expect straights to parade around in their underwear just to be respected! They call it underwear for a reason!
So far, I haven't met too many gays I'm not comfortable around. Maybe that's because I just quit worrying about it. I'm out now, and if how I am doesn't convince others that not all of us parade around in public in our briefs, then there's no hope for those people!
And yes, we should treat each other with respect. I try to! One thing my blogging has shown me - the VAST expanse of people who are gay! Just like the vast expanse of people who aren't. I, too, get the "I'd never have known" reaction. I guess that tells me how good I was at hiding under my bushel basket. There's no "pass/fail" for me. I just am who I am, and some folks might well get a shock if I (ever) show up with a guy on my arm, but hey, what can I do?
Peace <3
Jay
That's why we have the Rainbow flag because we are all different stripes, but together we make up something pretty good.
ReplyDeleteWe have so much we could talk about. I too knew I was gay in middle school and that stereotype scared me. I knew I couldn't meet the expectations of the gay world, so I tried to meet the expectations of the straight world. By the time I was approaching middle age I was realizing more and more what a horrible mistake I have made. I left my marriage and came out with the guidance of some good friends. Like you, I am a burly, hairy, man who likes football and men.
ReplyDeleteBut I have run into some rejection from the gays I've met and with whom I've tried to strike up a relationship. One guy told me, "just because you're fat, doesn't mean you're a bear". After that, and a few other incidents, I deleted all the social apps because of the ongoing rejection and the meanness of the gays I was encountering.
Now that I'm not advertising, I wonder.... how will prince charming find me?
Gay is about who you love... that's all it should be about. Not the clothes, profession, underwear, etc. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.
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