Who I Want To Be

I've been overweight for most of my life.  I started putting on the weight in high school as my lack of self-confidence and (oh yeah) being gay in Bible Belt in the 80s.  Food was my way to fill the holes in myself.  Over the past two decades I've come to have a better impression of myself.  But alas, the weight still remained.  

I've made attempts in the past to lose the weight with varied success.  Two years ago I got myself down to 219 pounds, but again, fell off the wagon and put the pounds back on.  More than anything I have been embarrassed about how I look.  What was even more embarrassing was not being able to walk up the stairs in our school building without getting winded!  On August 1st I weighed 240 pounds.  I gotta admit, it was one of the lowest points of my life.  I felt completely defeated.  

Since then I have made progress.  Working with a personal trainer from Iowa State I have been consistent in working out.  In addition I have really watched what I've been eating.  A big change has been eating lunch from the school cafeteria.  While our lunches are very good, they are designed for middle school students who need a high caloric intake.  I've also been drinking as much water as I can and have pretty much cut out all my regular soda intake.  

On October 1st, I stepped on the scale and the readout read "225.5".  I was floored.  Over the course of two months I had shed 14.5 pounds.  My jeans have been fitting better (no more TPS) and I've been able to get up those stairs easier.  My trainer even noticed that I had lost weight (that made my day!).  

One problem that I was having was that I was becoming obsessed with getting on the scale.  Literally every morning and night I was weighing myself.  I knew that had to stop.  So after I triple checked the 225.5 measurement that morning, I turned the scale over and took out the battery, vowing not to put it back in until November 1st.  I'm gonna work my butt off with exercise and healthy eating, trusting that I can drop 5.5 pounds.

But I also need to look long term.  My ultimate goal is to weigh around 175 pounds with 13-14% body fat.  After my last training session I am going to have my measurements taken and then set individual body part goals.  

I had a great workout tonight at the Rec Center.  The weights are getting heavier and I've also started interval running on the track.  I've spent nearly 37 years in this body.  It's time to lose the baggage and be the person I know I can be.